So this post has been a while in the making. Passion has been something I have been thinking about for a few weeks now and seemed to show it’s ugly face this weekend. The best way I can write about this is through two parts. Let’s begin with the passion I have been talking about in my yoga classes.
My theme for the last weeks has been passion, how to find yours and how to make more time for what you are passionate about. I start class by asking students to think about something in their life that fires them up. Something that makes them feel balanced. Something that satisfies them like nothing else. Later in class, I ask them to think about the last time that they felt fired up, balanced or satisfied. How did it feel? What were you doing? At the end of class, I asked them to imagine their life if they could feel that way more often. How can you bring that thing that you’re so passionate about into more aspects of your life? How would that feel? Where can you fit it in? I taught this in my Wednesday night Cycle/ yoga class last week and it was very well received. But, one of my regulars texted me the next day saying that she was really thinking a lot about what I had said. She also asked me what my passion was and how I find time to integrate it into my own life.
This is where I felt like a phony. I couldn’t actually answer her question. I couldn’t even tell her what my passion actually was let alone how to find time to add it into my hectic schedule. I love my job and feel genuinely content pretty much all the time, but I don’t know when I last felt completely in the moment and totally fired up. I feel like I am just going through the motions to get things done and to be ready for the next task on my list. This was weighing a lot on my mind going into this weekend. So begins the second part of the story.
My boyfriend and I were headed up to Salida for the weekend to run the Run Through Time Half Marathon. It was meant to be good gage of my fitness as I am training for the Colorado Marathon in May. I was getting over a small cold and my training last week had been a bit short so I was feeling rather blah. Anyway, race morning snuck up and I went through my normal routine not thinking too much about anything (like I said, going through the motions). Got to the start line and took off. I didn’t much of a plan for the race. I hadn’t even looked at the course map so I just took off with the crowd. The course looped around behind this small hill on a dirt road. About ¾ of a mile in, I could tell my energy was already dwindling. “Great” I thought, “this is gonna be a long morning.” At 2 miles the course comes back by the startline near town and then continues up into the hills. We had just barely passed the start line and before I knew it I had stopped on the side of the road and looked up at the next hill. I subconsciously un-pinned my bib number and walked over the bridge into town. I don’t think I had realized what I was doing until I unlocked my car and turned into a puddle of tears and snot. I think I realized at that moment that I had lost the passion I used to have for racing and maybe running in general.
The more I thought about the race, as I was drinking Old Fashions at Woods distillery that evening, the more I decided that I had lost the passion I once had for a lot of things: art, running, nature, and even teaching my classes. My plate has gotten so full with everything, I no longer have the time or energy into enjoying these things.
I am basically writing this to call myself out, to myself and others. To admit to myself that I need to slow down, to take time for me. I need to simplify the things that I am putting effort into so that I have energy to find my passion and balance. I also wrote this to encourage you to think about your own life. What's your passion? Are you like me and lacking passion and fire? What can we do to remedy this? Maybe this post has brought a little peace to your mind knowing that you’re not alone or that your life is actually full of passion. If it is, embrace it and don't let it go. Until next time…